The Constant Eater: Orgeat Syrup---And Why French Friends Are Really Your Frienemies

I have a friend who once dated a French man. He said that the experience was SO horrible that even just hearing someone speaking French... With that accent…

“They’re so rude. I can’t. I just can’t.”

Ah!---the French.

I have a dear friend from Paris. He complains about everything. Particularly his food. Too much salt. Too much oil. Too much garlic. Too much spice. Sometimes he just rolls his eyes, points to his plate, and says, “I mean…” and then makes a gesture to indicate that he has no words.

“Just…just try it. I want you to taste it.”

So I dutifully grab my fork…

He’s my friend, so I always agree with him.

But just between you and me…

Bear in mind, this is a French man who just two weeks ago drug me into a local cookie shop KNOWING it was going to be horrible.

“I want you to try these cookies.”

“I’ve had their cookies. They’re not that great.”

“No. You have to taste these cookies.”

Did he not just hear what I said?

He then proceeded to spend $15 on a bag of cookies that he knew he wasn’t going to like just to prove a point. A point upon which, I ALREADY AGREED!

And don’t think he didn’t roll his eyes in plain view of the entire staff.

Thankfully, he waited till we got outside to actually taste the cookies.

I was thinking we’d find a cozy bench outside and leisurely sit down and lay out the cookies and taste them and compare notes…

Oh no.

No sooner did we walk out the door, than he broke open the bag, tore off a hunk of oatmeal cookie and said, “This is shit. You know what we call this in France? Un étouffe-chrétien.”

“Yes. I know. Je sais, je sais...”

I know because he first told me this three years ago. It’s one of those odd French expressions that only makes sense to them.

Yes, I said “them”.

It basically means that something is so dry it would choke a Christian.

I have no idea why Christians are the most difficult religious group to choke. Perhaps it has something to do with that tiny Communion wafer they eat once a week.

Thankfully, this same friend thinks I’m a wonderful little baker and cook. If I have achieved nothing else in my life, a VERY picky French man (“I’m not picky. I’m particular.”) thinks I have The Right Stuff.

I try not to let him down.

So he will be VERY happy when I bring him a glass of my homemade Almond Water tomorrow!

Last time I made it, he downed four glasses in half an hour.

Let me trace the origins of this wonderful concoction for you.

Several years ago, when I saw a new product called “Almond Water” in a local organic market---naturally, I had to give it a try. It was one of the most delicious and refreshing beverages I’d ever tasted!

But at five bucks a pop…

I was going to have to figure out how to make this myself.

My online search immediately led me to something called Orgeat Syrup---usually pronounced. OR-ZHA. Kind of like Zsa Zsa Gabor.

And no, it’s not Hungarian. It’s French. It used to refer to something that translated as “barley water”---as it was originally made from barley. I’ve never tried to make it from barley, but I don’t envision it being quite as tasty---or even tempting.

“Hey! Would you like a cold refreshing glass of barley water?”

Probably wouldn’t get too many takers.

So the savvy, gastronomically-inclined French decided to one-up themselves. In short, they complained openly to each other. "C'est merde!"

It’s now pretty much exclusively made with almonds.

It’s also the stuff you put in a Mai Tai or a Japanese cocktail---though oftentimes, a bartender’s Orgeat Syrup will contain vodka. Because…well, why not?

This version is alcohol-free and kid-friendly. Even the French will drink it without complaint.

You’re going to start by basically making almond milk.

You can use whole almonds, but I prefer the slivered almonds to give it a beautiful white hue. If you’re buying in bulk, 1 1/3 cups.

Start by taking a bag of slivered almonds and soaking them in cold water for about an hour.

Drain the water and put your almonds into a food chopper or processor. I used my handy little food chopper for this job. They don’t need to be super-fine. Just chopped into little pebble-sized pieces is fine.

Then, put this into a pot with four cups of cold water, a cup of sugar, and bring to a boil.

One cup sugar to four cups of water? Doesn’t sound like a syrup to me, you may say. Well, if you like things extra-sweet, you can add an extra half cup of sugar. But almonds are fairly sweet on their own. Trust me on this one.

Be careful not to let the pot boil-over or you’ll have a sticky mess on your hands.

Let this cool down to room temperature and pour the whole mess into a blender. I had to do mine in two batches.

Then you’re going to set-up a large mesh-strainer over a pot. Pour the mixture into the strainer and use a spatula to squeeze out all the liquid.

Now we’re going to strain it a second time. With cheesecloth. You may have to do this in batches, but squeeze out the water over the mesh-strainer. I SWEAR I did this. Pardon for the lack of a photo. I was trying to do too many things at once. But I swear there was cheesecloth involved. It will still be a tiny bit gritty---but that’s okay! That’s good, in fact. That means it’s homemade!

PS---do NOT try to whip up a batch of croutons while doing this.

If anything could choke a Christian----it would be the charred-beyond-recognition cubes of bread that burned like Jeanne d’Arc in the oven just two inches away from my kneecaps as I strained. Go the Zen route. Focus. Bask in the moment.

Once you’ve got all the liquid squeezed out---now you’re going to add your flavorings. Traditionally, you use something called Orange Blossom Water. But I ran out of it this winter after baking Lady Grey Tea Cookies. However, I’ve found that in a pinch, Orange Extract does the same job. It's just more concentrated and less floral.

You’re going to add:

¼ teaspoon Orange Extract (or 1 teaspoon of Orange Blossom Water)

¼ teaspoon Rose Water

1 ½-2 teaspoons Almond Extract

Why are you adding Almond Extract to almonds?

Well---here’s the deal. There are two kinds of almonds. Sweet and bitter. The almonds we all eat out of a jar, in a trail mix, or cracked out of their shell----those are sweet almonds.

Bitter almonds are actually illegal in the US. They contain extremely high amounts of cyanide. Need a pick-me-up snack at work? A handful of these could kill you.

Happily, this toxin is removed by cooking. Bitter almonds are mostly grown in Asia and the Middle East and used to make almond extract---which has a slightly different flavor than sweet almonds. Ever notice the cherry-undertones in coconut macaroons?

That’s the bitter almond talking.

Once you add your flavorings, simply pour this stuff into a bottle and refrigerate. It will keep for about a month in your fridge. Maybe longer. But a month is the longest it’s lasted in this house.

And I always know EXACTLY how long something has been in my icebox because I’ve worked in restaurants so long that I label and date everything. Total dork.

To make almond water, you’re going to pour about a tablespoon or two of this into a glass. Add ice and water.

VOILA!

Now---what you’re going to have leftover is what’s called “almond meal”. DO NOT throw this away! This is going to make a delicious almond paste-slash-marzipan.