Orgeat Syrup---And Why French Friends Are Really Your Frienemies

I have a friend who once dated a French man.  He said that the experience was SO horrible that even just hearing someone speaking French...  With that accent…

“They’re so rude.  I can’t.  I just can’t.”

Ah!---the French. 

I have a dear friend from Paris.  He complains about everything.  Particularly his food.  Too much salt.  Too much oil.  Too much garlic.  Too much spice.  Sometimes he just rolls his eyes, points to his plate, and says, “I mean…” and then makes a gesture to indicate that he has no words. 

“Just…just try it.  I want you to taste it.”

So I dutifully grab my fork…

He’s my friend, so I always agree with him. 

But just between you and me…

Bear in mind, this is a French man who just two weeks ago drug me into a local cookie shop KNOWING it was going to be horrible. 

“I want you to try these cookies.”

“I’ve had their cookies.  They’re not that great.”

“No.  You have to taste these cookies.”

Did he not just hear what I said?

He then proceeded to spend $15 on a bag of cookies that he knew he wasn’t going to like just to prove a point.  A point upon which, I ALREADY AGREED!

And don’t think he didn’t roll his eyes in plain view of the entire staff.

Thankfully, he waited till we got outside to actually taste the cookies. 

I was thinking we’d find a cozy bench outside and leisurely sit down and lay out the cookies and taste them and compare notes…

Oh no.

No sooner did we walk out the door, than he broke open the bag, tore off a hunk of oatmeal cookie and said, “This is shit.  You know what we call this in France?  Un étouffe-chrétien.”

“Yes.  I know.  Je sais, je sais...”

I know because he first told me this three years ago.  It’s one of those odd French expressions that only makes sense to them.  

Yes, I said “them”.

It basically means that something is so dry it would choke a Christian.

I have no idea why Christians are the most difficult religious group to choke.  Perhaps it has something to do with that tiny Communion wafer they eat once a week.   

Thankfully, this same friend thinks I’m a wonderful little baker and cook.  If I have achieved nothing else in my life, a VERY picky French man (“I’m not picky.  I’m particular.”) thinks I have The Right Stuff.

I try not to let him down.

So he will be VERY happy when I bring him a glass of my homemade Almond Water tomorrow!

Last time I made it, he downed four glasses in half an hour.

Let me trace the origins of this wonderful concoction for you.

Several years ago, when I saw a new product called “Almond Water” in a local organic market---naturally, I had to give it a try.  It was one of the most delicious and refreshing beverages I’d ever tasted!

But at five bucks a pop…

I was going to have to figure out how to make this myself.

My online search immediately led me to something called Orgeat Syrup---usually pronounced. OR-ZHA.  Kind of like Zsa Zsa Gabor.

And no, it’s not Hungarian.  It’s French.  It used to refer to something that translated as “barley water”---as it was originally made from barley.  I’ve never tried to make it from barley, but I don’t envision it being quite as tasty---or even tempting.

“Hey!  Would you like a cold refreshing glass of barley water?”

Probably wouldn’t get too many takers.

So the savvy, gastronomically-inclined French decided to one-up themselves.  In short, they complained openly to each other.  "C'est merde!"

It’s now pretty much exclusively made with almonds.

It’s also the stuff you put in a Mai Tai or a Japanese cocktail---though oftentimes, a bartender’s Orgeat Syrup will contain vodka.  Because…well, why not?

This version is alcohol-free and kid-friendly.  Even the French will drink it without complaint.

You’re going to start by basically making almond milk.

You can use whole almonds, but I prefer the slivered almonds to give it a beautiful white hue.  If you’re buying in bulk, 1 1/3 cups.

Start by taking a bag of slivered almonds and soaking them in cold water for about an hour.

Drain the water and put your almonds into a food chopper or processor.  I used my handy little food chopper for this job.  They don’t need to be super-fine.  Just chopped into little pebble-sized pieces is fine.

Then, put this into a pot with four cups of cold water, a cup of sugar, and bring to a boil.  

One cup sugar to four cups of water?  Doesn’t sound like a syrup to me, you may say.  Well, if you like things extra-sweet, you can add an extra half cup of sugar.  But almonds are fairly sweet on their own.  Trust me on this one.   

Be careful not to let the pot boil-over or you’ll have a sticky mess on your hands.

Let this cool down to room temperature and pour the whole mess into a blender.  I had to do mine in two batches. 

Then you’re going to set-up a large mesh-strainer over a pot.  Pour the mixture into the strainer and use a spatula to squeeze out all the liquid.

Now we’re going to strain it a second time.  With cheesecloth.  You may have to do this in batches, but squeeze out the water over the mesh-strainer.  I SWEAR I did this.  Pardon for the lack of a photo.  I was trying to do too many things at once.  But I swear there was cheesecloth involved.  It will still be a tiny bit gritty---but that’s okay!  That’s good, in fact.  That means it’s homemade!

PS---do NOT try to whip up a batch of croutons while doing this.

  

If anything could choke a Christian----it would be the charred-beyond-recognition cubes of bread that burned like Jeanne d’Arc in the oven just two inches away from my kneecaps as I strained.  Go the Zen route.  Focus.  Bask in the moment. 

Once you’ve got all the liquid squeezed out---now you’re going to add your flavorings.  Traditionally, you use something called Orange Blossom Water.  But I ran out of it this winter after baking Lady Grey Tea Cookies.  However, I’ve found that in a pinch, Orange Extract does the same job.  It's just more concentrated and less floral. 

You’re going to add:

¼ teaspoon Orange Extract (or 1 teaspoon of Orange Blossom Water)

¼ teaspoon Rose Water

1 ½-2 teaspoons Almond Extract

Why are you adding Almond Extract to almonds?

Well---here’s the deal.  There are two kinds of almonds.  Sweet and bitter.  The almonds we all eat out of a jar, in a trail mix, or cracked out of their shell----those are sweet almonds.

Bitter almonds are actually illegal in the US.  They contain extremely high amounts of cyanide.  Need a pick-me-up snack at work?  A handful of these could kill you. 

Happily, this toxin is removed by cooking.  Bitter almonds are mostly grown in Asia and the Middle East and used to make almond extract---which has a slightly different flavor than sweet almonds.  Ever notice the cherry-undertones in coconut macaroons?  

That’s the bitter almond talking.

Once you add your flavorings, simply pour this stuff into a bottle and refrigerate.  It will keep for about a month in your fridge.  Maybe longer.  But a month is the longest it’s lasted in this house.

And I always know EXACTLY how long something has been in my icebox because I’ve worked in restaurants so long that I label and date everything.  Total dork.

To make almond water, you’re going to pour about a tablespoon or two of this into a glass.  Add ice and water.

VOILA!

Now---what you’re going to have leftover is what’s called “almond meal”.  DO NOT throw this away!  This is going to make a delicious almond paste-slash-marzipan.

Warp it up in some plastic wrap and stick it in your fridge.

And yeah---I labeled and dated that, too.

I’ll tell you what to do with this some other time.

Or as they say in France---

À bientôt!

Harissa Is The New Sriracha

A while back, several of my hipster friends got their faux-hawks and handlebar mustaches in a knot over the possibility that the company that makes the popular hot sauce, Sriracha, may have to shut down.  A complaint was issued to Hoy Fong Foods in California ordering them to halt production due to grumbles from the locals about “watery and itchy eyes” due to the fumes emitting from the factory.   Judges went back and forth.  A mad rush on Sriracha ensued at supermarkets all over this great nation.

But as someone who makes her own hot sauce---I had nothing to fear but fear itself!

And frankly, homemade hot sauce is WAY better than anything you’ll find on a supermarket shelf.

Harissa is the buffalo sauce of the Middle East.

You’re not shaking a few drops on your plate to get the hotness going---you want your food coated in this stuff.  It provides heat AND flavor.

Harrisa seems to have been birthed in Tunisia, and has spread all over the Middle East from Morocco to Tunisia to Israel.  It’s beloved by all religions and ethnic groups and (at least in New York City) you can now find jars and tubes of the stuff in specialty markets.

But unlike Tabasco. Sriracha, and other bottled sauces---harissa isn’t a brand name.  Recipes for harissa vary not only from country-to-country---but from family-to-family.  It can be either mashed like Sambal or pureed like Sriracha.  Needless to say, homemade is best.

I’ve been told that I should bottle my homemade harissa and sell it.  I immediately reply, “Thank you, but I will NEVER do that.”

You have to set up as a small business with the state, apply for permits, set-up a Tax ID #, send samples of your product to a lab in Albany, become a member with a community kitchen, build a website, design packaging, register as a corporation, get a lawyer…

How about I just give you my recipe instead.

Harissa should be on the Scoville level of a Buffalo Sauce---definitely spicy, but not so much that it overpowers the taste of the dish.  What you’re going to get here is a spicy (but not fire-breathing) sauce with a LOT of flavor that you can use to smear across everything from your scrambled eggs to a turkey sandwich to some roasted cauliflower.

Let’s start with the chilies.

I have a little problem with my addiction to dried chilies.  Happily, I live near several Spanish markets and can find them quite easily.  And unless you’re living in the cul-de-sac of Whitetown, U.S.A.---you can find them, too.  They’re there.  You just haven’t noticed them. Usually somewhere near the produce section or in the corner near the Goya products.

“What is Goya?” you ask. 

Sigh. 

It’s the Spanish Food section that most white people quickly wheel their shopping cart past on their way to the more expensive (and equal in quality) Caucasian brands.

But there’s AWESOME stuff in that aisle!   I’ve been mocked for my love of Goya products.  But, to paraphrase Gertrude Stein, “A lentil is a lentil is a lentil.”

Unless you get into the fancy French Puy lentils, and then…

But what are those McCormick brand Dried Chili Flakes you buy at the supermarket?

Um….you buy some dried chilies and put them in your food processor or simply crush them with a knife.

And scene.

Okay.  Let’s begin.  You’re going to start making harissa by roasting some red peppers.

Four if they’re big, six if they’re small.

I can’t give you a cup size.  This is not a bra-fitting.

No big to-do.  Wash them and put them on a pan and in the oven at around 400-425 degrees.  Turn them around a few times over the course of the hour-or so.  Pretty simple.

Meanwhile, you’re going to soak some dried chilies.

Do NOT be afraid of these things.  Play with them.  Get to know them.  They are your friends.  

I tend to go strong on the Guajllos with some Arbol and Ancho and Serrano tossed in, as well.

If you’re not familiar with different chilies….start playing with them!  Buy one or two (they’re only maybe 2 dollars a bag), look them up online, find out their Scoville level (that indicates their heat potential), their country of origin, their flavor profile…  I seem to have acquired an accidental collection SO carefully tended to and organized that a chef saw a photo of my blossoming chili anthology and said, "Wow.  You're so tidy.  I need you in MY kitchen!"

If you wear contacts, have a tendency to touch your eye, or have skin sensitivity to chilies…  Wear gloves, use dishwashing soap on your hands, or lemon or lime juice, or simply take a long hot bubble bath after handling.   

It’s not complicated.  Take a kitchen scissors (or a knife), slice off the top of the chili, and shake out the seeds into the trash can (or try to plant them, if you like). You never know how your garden grows.  If you want it SUPER spicy…  Just know that the more seeds you leave in, the spicier it will be.

But I like mine flavorful AND spicy---so I snip and trim and shake out a fair amount of the seeds.

Pop these into a pot, pour boiling water over them, put a lid on things to keep it hot inside-----and just let that sit while you turn the red peppers.

You’re going to end up with soft, fragrant chilies AND their cooking water.  Do NOT discard!  This is going to help you later.

Scrape the skins off your roasted red peppers, root out as many seeds as possible, and toss the flesh of the pepper with the re-hydrated chilies together in a blender or food processor with about a quarter cup of the chili cooking water. 

Now, chop two cloves of garlic and add that to the mix in the blender.

And here is where it gets fun.

Party In The Pantry!!!!

I’m fully aware that my food connections and simple lust for ingredients has possibly made my spice cabinet a bit different from the average person’s larder…

My spice cabinet is like the hull of a Dutch East India ship in the 1700s---without the slaves and smallpox, of course.  Just lots and lots of spices!

Here's what I added to my mix:

Olive oil (about 3 tablespoons---need not be extra virgin)

Teaspoon lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon cumin

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

1/4 teaspoon of smoked sea salt

1/4 teaspoon of a dried chili powder called "sudanya".  It appears to be Israeli and was a gift from a friend.  I imagine cayenne would do in its place.

!/2 teaspoon of Dried Persian Lemon

What is Persian Lemon?  For starters, it's a lime native to the Middle East.  It's fermented and dried in the sun and often ground into a powder.  It has a sour, yet earthy taste that balances the brightness of the red peppers and the heat of the chilies.  

If you can't get your hands on some, it's not the end of the world.  But if you can find some in a specialty spice shop or online, don't hesitate to drop a few dollars.  You won't be sorry.

If you like more of a rough texture to your harissa, you can skip the food processor and use a big mortar and pestle all old skool. But I like mine creamy, so I blend till smooth. 

But feel free to play with the measurements and ingredients, taste it for flavor, and make it your own. It should be YOUR hot sauce.     

Keep refrigerated and it will last about two weeks.  Mine goes quickly as I actually have a list of people to text and let them know, "I made harissa today.  Saved you some.  Stop by my work tomorrow and pick some up, if you want!" 

You will never go back to Sriracha again!