God Didn't Make Little Green Pickles---You Did: Pickling 101

After a chef friend read my first post, he commented, “Why didn’t you share any recipes?  All that Polish cooking you mentioned.....”

The problem is that I write recipes the way I give directions to my Mom’s house:

“Just make a right at the corner where the purple flowers bloom in the spring.”

Never mind that I threw that ice skating party in January…

In short, I’m not good at writing recipes.  I first became fascinated with cooking while watching my Polish grandmother just tossing things by the handful into giant stock pots.  I don’t ever remember seeing a measuring cup or dainty little spoons.

Measurements were for pussies.  At most, you’d get unmemorable phrases like, “a handful”, “a sprinkle” or “a big bunch”.

Maybe it was Grandma’s way of throwing me into the deep end of the pool.  Either I’d pick it up----or I’d drown. 

Luckily, I saw it as a challenge. 

After making my First Holy Communion, I decided to play “church” and whipped up a batch of “communion hosts” by cutting the crusts off some white bread and just smooshing them together into a circular shape. 

I was told by Grandma, in no uncertain terms, that I’d wasted her bread and committed a sacrilege.

Sacrilegious at seven.

And then she sprinkled some holy water on me.    

So I’ll do my best here.       

This is the time of year when all sorts of wonderful, fresh produce hits the market; and one of the most intimidating items you may see is the humble pickling cucumber.

DO NOT BE AFRAID OF THE CUCUMBER!

It’s really just a small cucumber.  That’s all.  But for many, it’s the equivalent of Tom Ewell allowing Marilyn Monroe to come down to his air conditioned apartment in The Seven Year Itch---once you get the bombshell in your house, what do you do with her?

Partly it’s confusion.  Pickling is different from canning.  The two can be combined, of course----but you CAN pickle things without fear of becoming Hippie Helen with a cupboard full of homemade jam or giving your family a case of salmonella. 

It’s called “refrigerator pickling”.  They’ll keep a week or two in your fridge----but they’ll likely be gone WAY before that.

And it’s easy.

So let’s get started!

First of all, no one likes a limp, soggy pickle.  Insert your own joke here.  To keep them crisp, rinse them off and then stick them in an ice bath for about an hour.  I’ve heard four hours is better, but I’m impatient.  One hour works just dandy for me.

While that’s working, get your brine on, baby.  A brine is really nothing more than vinegar, water, salt, and sugar.  You can add spices and things in, too.  It’s up to you and the sort of pickles you want to make.

With the four cucumbers I got in my farm share, I decided to make bread and butter pickles.   Bread and butter pickles are a bit sweeter than the kosher dills we put on hamburgers.

PS---what makes a pickle “kosher”?  Garlic.  That’s it.  All kosher pickles have garlic.  Easy peasy.

Second---brine.  Rice wine vinegar is less sour than white wine or cider vinegar so it’s perfect for the bread and butter guys.  And I had it handy so that’s what I used.  Ratio:  1:1 ratio of vinegar and water----with maybe a bit more vinegar added in, if you like.  Whatever your measurements, you want about half that in sugar and an eighth of that in salt.

Example:

1 cup water

1 cup vinegar (+ some if you like)

1/2 cup sugar

1/8 cup Kosher salt

Make as much brine as you need to cover your pickles.  And bear in mind, ALL of this can be altered to taste. 

Put this all in a pot.  Slice up a bit of onion.  Toss that in with some pickling spices (mustard seed, peppercorns, dill seed, coriander, celery seed, and a bit of crushed bay leaf are what I used).  Then a pinch of turmeric. 

Bring all this to a boil.

For this batch, I cut my cucumbers into wedges, but slices work just as well. 

Pack your cucumbers into a canning jar (or any old heat-proof/tempered jar---maybe an old jelly jar) fairly tight.  Some will advise that you boil the jar and lid in water for ten minutes.  If you’re going to eat the pickles in a few days, you can probably skip this step.  But it doesn’t hurt and keeps them fresher longer.

In any case, pour the hot mixture over the pickles.  Close the lid.  Put it in your refrigerator.

That’s it!

In a few hours, they’ll start to taste like pickles.  Even better if left overnight. 

You can pickle any vegetable like this---everything from okra to cauliflower. 

And before anyone snipes about how the pickles in the photo don't look like they're packed tightly together...

I ate half of them already.  Satisfied?

And that’s how you get to my Mom’s house.

If you’re still nervous, there are PLENTY of cooking sites that will give you a better low-down.  I’m just trying to get you to play with your veggies.

So take this advice and go pick up Marilyn Monroe and make beautiful pickles together!  

You can thank me in the morning.